Love Wins!

It’s been almost a year to the day since I posted my last entry.   Life has a way of getting away with me and I don’t feel my muse very often anymore.   It’s been a year of ups and downs but today was exceptional.

love-winsYesterday I saw a blog that said that the Supreme Court decision would probably come out today on marriage equality so this morning at around 8:30 I started watching the SCOTUS web page, refreshing it every few minutes hoping to see an update.   I ended up getting involved with the stacks of work on my desk and around 11am when I refreshed it was there, the decision that so many have been waiting forever to happen.

I opened the decision and had to read the first page about three times before it finally sank in.  Yes, freedom to marry the person you love, irregardless of gender has become the law of the land.

I kept wanting to cry.   Tears welled up and receded over and over.  I wanted to jump up and shout and do a dance.  I read the entire ruling by Justice Kennedy and in the end, reading the closing paragraph I finally cried.

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

It is so ordered.

Tonight I’m watching all of my friends shade their Facebook avatars with celebrate pride colors.  Tonight I’m watching celebrations and professions of love and happiness.  Tonight I think of Cricket and all his friends, of all the beautiful people I know and love dearly and I’m happy in their joyous exclamations.

Tonight I’m seeing some who are angry with the dissenters.  Tonight I’m asking all of my loved ones to love those who express themselves with fear and hatred.   Love those that can’t or won’t understand.  It makes no difference now.   Let’s truly make LOVE WIN, by loving those that just don’t get it.

~Motherbink

Strife

I see a lot of hurt people.  People hurt physically, emotionally, financially.   So much strife in the world, to the point that I don’t watch news on TV and only read the local paper looking for the names of the bad guys I deal with day in and day out.

It’s easy to ignore outside strife.  If it’s out there and I’m not paying attention to it I can easily not pay attention to it.   If someone tries to shove it in my face on Facebook I can stop following them (and I’ve done that before with some politically extreme friends).   But when it’s in your own home or in your family, it’s kind of hard to ignore and even harder when there’s not a thing you can do fix it.

Most of the time I’m pretty much in control of what happens in my life.   My life is what I make it, my emotions are my own and I am pretty good at not letting others push buttons that will generate an extreme reactions.  I think I’m pretty good about owning up to my faults and mistakes, and I have made some doozies.  I’m really good at forgetting the past and letting things go.  I pick my battles and try to stay out of stuff that is none of my business (though I may have an opinion or two if asked).    I’ve kept my mouth shut when unwarranted blame has been put upon me and try really hard not to go on the attack.cat

I think so much of the strife we encounter is caused by people simply not accepting responsibility for their own actions.   I see that day in and day out.   Someone does something bad to someone and blames it on the victim.

If she had only kept her mouth shut I wouldn’t have had to hit her! She disrespected me!

Really?   I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard that one along with, “It’s her fault I went to jail, she called the police”.   I tend to look at the talker with an incredulous look on my face and walk away.   People that refuse to accept responsibility for their actions, who claim that they are the victims, are generally way too self-centered to realize just how idiotic they sound.

Unfortunately when it’s happening in your own family it’s almost impossible to walk away and forget it.   It’s always there because the family members are always there.  There is no strife in my life, I tend to walk away from the drama queens and emotional vampires that sneak their way in sometimes.  There is a tremendous amount of strife in some of my family member’s lives and that hurts.    I’m so sad.   I wish there was a way to fix it.  I wish some people would accept responsibility for their actions and show true contrition.  I wish some would just be honest with themselves instead of putting the blame on others.  I wish that some would just “man up” (what a horribly sexist thing to say!).

~Motherbink

Daddy Issues

My father hates me.

No, really, he does.  But, I know as a mother he hates me because he hates himself.  I have seen him destroy many relationships.  As I sit here and type this (with my children and husband  stretched out in my bed) I look at each of them and I know in order to take care of them I have to take care of myself first.  If and when I am having a bad day I loathe for a second. Literally.  I have been having those a lot lately.  It hard to smile through out the day knowing the person whom helped make you hates you.  I try not to think about it much and look forward to the day when those thoughts are not consuming my every thought.  I know it will come one day.  Only because this is not the first time he has done this.  I have a folder in one of my email accounts called “my craziness” and it is full of nasty disgusting emails from my father.  Some in which I fought back but most just filed away because I just don’t have the fight anymore. And he is only going to twist my words anyway.  I just don’t give a shit if I hurt your feeling, if I supposedly said something about your wife (which I didn’t), if my friend didn’t invite you to her wedding or if I didn’t get excited about your next “get rich scheme”.  Oh my favorite “I didn’t ask his opinion on some property I purchased”.  At almost 30 at the time of purchase I think I am a big enough girl to realize a great deal when I see it.  Oh and have I mentioned my husband is a CONTRACTOR!!

Ah the worse part is now most of the family is involved.  I think mostly because maybe everyone finally believes he picks on me and what he did this last time was completely out of nowhere.  One side of me feels guilty and the other side is screaming finally someone besides my mother believes what I am saying! 

I spoke with one of my clients recently and told her the whole story.  I very much value her opinion and I have decided to completely cut him out of my life.  What he does is abusive and I will not allow anyone to manipulate my feelings. Even my own parent.

I hope to always end my post with a little “nugget”

Baby farts are so funny!

SisterP

Santa’s come early!

The joy of family gatherings is what this Thanksgiving was all about. Having the opportunity to spend the holidays with my kids, grandkids, friends and loves is a real treat in our hectic lives.

One really cool thing that came out was an early Christmas present when Cricket and I were told by SisterP that she would love to join the blog and add her alternatively awesome two cents to the mix. I can’t wait for her first post 🙂

~Motherbink

Holidays are coming… UGH…

Alright… here’s the deal.  Family.  Gotta love’em, am i right?!  But there is always a Debbie downer in the family.  One that messes up the parade.  The one who steals the wind from the sails (cliche’s, i hate’em)… the bastard (it’s family so we love them) that makes things go awry.  Well… I have one.  It sucks.  I dream of a thanksgiving where the whole family (extended included) sit around and joke about the old times with no hesitation.  Talk about the good times and the bad.  (hopefully more good than bad…no one wants a pitty party)   No hurt feelings.  

But that is a fools dream.  Instead we live in a world that try’s to impress.  Even with family we try to “one-up” the other.  Well guess what?!  I could care less.  By all means have lots of money.  Tell everyone you have lots of money.  But please make sure you have a will… or some estate planning documents… (that’s my profession talking) . The government shouldn’t get all your hard earned dollars.  

I say it all the time… YOU HAVE ONE LIFE… make the most of it.  (I wish I was brave enough to do this)

At some point you have to say enough is enough… “GET OVER IT”.  But it’s hard to say to family.  So I take a pledge… be honest.  You have to say what you mean, don’t let it pass you by.

And boy-oh-boy… i love Halloween customs!!

 

Where’s the love?

Proverbs 15:17    Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.

It’s the day after the election and the net is blowing up, especially my facebook feed.   I’ve tried to stay out of it, but the vomitus of hatred, misquotes and outright lies coming from friends and family finds me emotionally drained tonight (and a long trial with an un-enthusiastic prosecutor didn’t help- but that’s another rant).

It’s not the end of the world people.  The economy is not going to crash tomorrow.  Stocks may have fallen, but you know what?  It’s the rich people selling off to make a profit and claim their capital gains and pocket their money before the poor and starving can get a hold of it.

Gay marriage is not going to devalue straight marriage, it’s already devalued- just look at the divorce rate.  Straight people don’t take marriage seriously, even christian people don’t take marriage seriously anymore.

The republicans lost this election because they have gone so far to the right that it’s scaring people.   Instead of eco terrorists we have bible terrorists who preach hate, bigotry, racism and a theocracy scarier than an Islamic jihad.   I sat in the office this morning and had a cup of coffee with my co-workers, the anger, hatred and just pure meanness forced me to leave the room.   It scared me too.  I was bombarded with words like “niggers” “fags” “lazy” “moochers” and “idiots”.  I left that room stunned, too shocked and afraid to say a word.

I just don’t get it, I really don’t

1 Corinthians 16:14   Do everything in love

~Motherbink

Is this Parenting?

I remember when Cricket came out of the closet.  It was shortly after graduating high school, he was 17.   He told his sister first and then the two of them came to the house and said they needed to talk to us.   We went into our bedroom and sat in a circle on the floor.   I’ll never forget the relief of everyone in the room.  What he told us was no great surprise and we told him we would always love him, support him and accept him just as he is.

That wasn’t his first coming out though.  When he was 15 he left information on my computer that he knew would make me question him.   At that time I was in the middle of a religious fervor and not sure how to react.   I confronted him and he confessed his feelings and I suggested we pray.   I do remember him crying and telling me that he didn’t want to be attracted to men, I think that played a part in how I responded.   My reaction was not solely based on religious beliefs, it was also based on fear, fear for his happiness, fear that his life would be harder and fear of a disease that could kill him, and finally fear of how the extended family would react.

Recently a friend posted a link to his Facebook about a letter from a father to son after the son came out.  The father basically told him to go away and never come back:

Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

That statement made me so sad, and brought back memories of Cricket’s friends.   After coming out, we celebrated our son.   We went with him to the local gay club, welcomed his friends in our home.  I remember the stories they told, of how their family and friends had rejected them, how thrilled they were to meet us.   I remember hugging many beautiful young men, all the while my heart was breaking over their stories of rejection.

How can parents do something so obscene to their children?   The idea just baffles me.  This child that came from my womb, my blood, my heart?  How could I possibly throw away the most important part of my life, this most precious gift of life?   How can a parent reject a child because of something they have no control over, something they were born with, a part of them, put on them without choice?

I see parents support and defend their drug addicted, thieving, even murderous children.   I see them support them, stand by them through all their trials and prison sentences, even though they are the ones that chose their path.  They choose to lie and steal and harm others.

Our gay and lesbian children have no choice, parents need to understand this.   Put away your religious zeal, your status quo, your insecurities, bigotry and hatred.  Love your precious babies for the wonderful, intelligent, creative, enlightened people they are.

 

~Motherbink

Chick-fil-a Debacle…

I’ve been asked to give my two cents on chick-fil-a.  So here it goes.

The argument should start off by talking about freedom of speech, our 1st amendment right.  Key word here is “right”.  Yes, we have the “right” to express our individual view points and because of that “right” Mr. Cathy didn’t do anything wrong.  I don’t particularly agree with his statements, but that is my opinion.  But here is the problem I have with this whole debacle.  Mr. Cathy doesn’t just express his opinion.  He uses earnings from his company to pursue an agenda that would limit a particular group’s individual “rights”.  The very “right” I agree with him on, our freedom of speech and expression.

See I believe you can take any one of our “rights” and trace its origins back to the first one, Freedom of Speech.  My “right” to marry my partner is not only my freedom of speech and expression, but also my 14th amendment right to equal protection under the law.  I should be able to enter into a contract the same as anyone else and as most have forgotten, marriage is simply a contract.  (I’m not ignorant enough not to know that religious marriage means something different, but what I am talking about is marriage as it pertains to our government, you know separation of church and state)   And I believe that two people regardless of sex should be able to enter into a marriage contract.  People like to bring “Love” into the marriage debate by saying that same sex couples should have the right to love and have that “love” recognized under a marriage contract.  I am a little bit more cynical because I don’t give a shit about that argument.  A marriage contract at its roots is simply a way to take responsibility of another individual and receive tax and other benefits for doing so.  Love has nothing to do with it, look at the divorce rate if you don’t believe me.

Now back to Chick-fil-a.  Every time we support a business that in return supports limiting individual’s rights, I believe, is wrong.  Not only do they support limiting rights, they give money to hate groups as defined by Southern Poverty Law center a non- profit civil rights organization. Besides, isn’t a business’ main objective to give back to its shareholders?  And if you are going to donate money to social causes, why not give to those suffering like the poor and hungry?  Why waste shareholder money on your (Mr. Cathy) moral convictions that are your own beliefs. Beliefs, by the way, that have no effect on your (Mr. Cathy) own individual life.  I hear a lot about religious freedoms, but how is limiting my rights invading your religious freedoms? (oh, because you don’t think gay’s should get married because it’s against a book that was written thousands of years ago by men seeking a way to create “laws” to govern people and has been retranslated a million times said it is wrong… oh yes, that makes sense)  People with religious beliefs choose their religion.  I didn’t choose to be gay.  Believe whatever you want, but don’t push your beliefs on me, especially in the “land of the free”.  The land of the free where I have chosen not to support those who don’t support me… I believe religion defines this as the “golden rule”.  Due on to those as you would have them due to you… or something like that. (I for one don’t believe in limiting another’s ability to live freely and take advantage of monetary opportunities given out by the government as a tax break while they share their life with another individual)

As for Mayor’s coming out against Chick-fil-a from opening up in their cities, I believe they are right to try to keep those who discriminate out of their cities.  It is the governments job to protect us against those who would do us harm.  So good luck Mayor’s, though I don’t think you’ll be successful, even the Supreme Court has acknowledge that people can say and discriminate however they want as long as they do it to everyone equally.  Westborough Baptist Church comes to mind.

SO there you go…I don’t support Chick-fil-a right now, not while they actively support hate organizations.  Oh and this is not a new revelation… Chick-fil-a has been giving money to hate organizations for years; it’s only relevant now because same sex marriage has become a hot social issue.  Get and eat your chicken from where ever you want. It just happens to be that I like mine Kentucky fried anyways.

-Cricket

I want a Gaggle of men!

A friend of mine came across this post on the CNN website about how Every Woman needs a ‘gaggle’ of men.  He wrote: ” Not that you need it, but this will confirm you need to continue creating your ‘gaggle’! LOL thought of You when I read this!”  The basic premise is that it’s ok for women to have multiple male friends, that we need to quit searching for Mr Right and start looking at all the Mr Rights.  It’s ok to have a group of guys in our lives that occupy different roles and needs.    Wow, what a concept.

The story itself was interesting, but what really cracked me up was the comments.  The biggest percentage was from guys who thought it applied to only one thing, sex.  How dare we have multiple relationships!!  Don’t we know that makes us a slut, or a whore!  We should only be focusing on one person at a time!   My friends response to the comments was a rant of his own (and I quote it with his permission):

The comments are ridiculously funny!  Everyone is their own judge, jury, and executioner. Somewhere along the way this country has lost the ‘live and let live’ spirit which makes it so great. Instead, like the rest of the world, we are stooping to the ‘live like me or you are wrong and must be killed like the infidel you are’ spirit.

Quite frankly, and while this is a little discussed subject, polyamory is alive and well and thriving in the world.  There are people out there that believe that it is possible to love more than one person at a time.  It’s not always about sex, it’s about being intimate with like minded people who are willing to provide for needs that others can’t meet.  It’s about opening your heart and sharing your life with mutual respect, consent and care.  It’s not about cheating or going behind someone’s back.  It’s not about being insecure or non-committal.  It’s about honesty and recognizing and accepting who we are and what we want.    I think one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high is because too many “settle” for that one person, and in the back of their mind think that they can change them to be all that they need.

Don’t get me wrong, polyamory is not for everyone.   I do believe that monogamy can work for some people, but I also believe that too many are not honest with themselves and their partners.   I think that too many men have the “King of the Castle” mindset imprinted on their brain, what is theirs is theirs and they won’t share (except of course the double standard of sharing themselves with others behind their partners backs).  Not to mention the years of religious indoctrination that totally abhors the possibility of being with more than one partner.

For myself, I do have a gaggle and I love every one of them individually and collectively, and I plan to add to that gaggle, there is that much love in me.

~Motherbink

Gay Voice

So for my first entry, I thought I start it off with a little humor.  Can’t always be so serious right?  I mentioned in the “About Cricket” section the gay voice.  I don’t bring up this topic often and I have had some “heated” conversations about it.  Mainly is the “gay voice” done on purpose or is it natural and unchangeable.  My partner seems to think that most gay men intentionally have a high pitched voice or add on the lisp.  He thinks it is away for people to know the person with the voice is gay without the guy saying anything.  Or maybe a mating call of some sort.  Well, I have said gay voice.  It’s not lispy, just gay.  I don’t know how to explain it other than the gay voice.  But if you have spent any time in the gay community, you know exactly what I am talking about.  So my partner and I go back and forth about it being intentional or something you’re born with. I stand firmly that you are born with it.  I’m sure some people may intensify it, but for me it’s just how I speak.  However, I know where my partner is coming from.  For example my brother can do a great impression of the gay voice.  And it’s pretty dead on even though he is not gay.  And no, I don’t find offense when he does it.  I think it’s quite comical.

Image

Okay, so why bring up the gay voice again… because people need to know the difference between the gay voice and a woman’s voice.  I say that jokingly because I am often confused as being a woman on the phone.  It doesn’t bother me and I could really care less.  And when it happened this past week I thought it’d be fun to share.  My job is done mostly over the phone.  You could say I help people manage certain aspects of their lives.  Well, the other day I was speaking to a 95 year old male customer who on the phone called me “honey”.  I was a little taken aback, I mean had it been a gay friend of mine I won’t of thought twice, but this old man calling me “honey”… Hilarious!  It wasn’t before long I found out why.  He asked for my name again and when I told him (by the way I have a very common male name) he then proceeds to tell me “well that’s a peculiar name for a woman”.  I’m thinking, “oh no here we go again”.  He then proceeds to call me Janice.  I then try again to explain to him that I am a man and my name is not Janice.  I obviously failed because when we got off the phone he told me, “Thank you ma’am for all your help”.  Ah well… he’s 95, I’ll let him have this one.  So there you go,  beware when speaking on the phone.

-Cricket