I want a Gaggle of men!

A friend of mine came across this post on the CNN website about how Every Woman needs a ‘gaggle’ of men.  He wrote: ” Not that you need it, but this will confirm you need to continue creating your ‘gaggle’! LOL thought of You when I read this!”  The basic premise is that it’s ok for women to have multiple male friends, that we need to quit searching for Mr Right and start looking at all the Mr Rights.  It’s ok to have a group of guys in our lives that occupy different roles and needs.    Wow, what a concept.

The story itself was interesting, but what really cracked me up was the comments.  The biggest percentage was from guys who thought it applied to only one thing, sex.  How dare we have multiple relationships!!  Don’t we know that makes us a slut, or a whore!  We should only be focusing on one person at a time!   My friends response to the comments was a rant of his own (and I quote it with his permission):

The comments are ridiculously funny!  Everyone is their own judge, jury, and executioner. Somewhere along the way this country has lost the ‘live and let live’ spirit which makes it so great. Instead, like the rest of the world, we are stooping to the ‘live like me or you are wrong and must be killed like the infidel you are’ spirit.

Quite frankly, and while this is a little discussed subject, polyamory is alive and well and thriving in the world.  There are people out there that believe that it is possible to love more than one person at a time.  It’s not always about sex, it’s about being intimate with like minded people who are willing to provide for needs that others can’t meet.  It’s about opening your heart and sharing your life with mutual respect, consent and care.  It’s not about cheating or going behind someone’s back.  It’s not about being insecure or non-committal.  It’s about honesty and recognizing and accepting who we are and what we want.    I think one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high is because too many “settle” for that one person, and in the back of their mind think that they can change them to be all that they need.

Don’t get me wrong, polyamory is not for everyone.   I do believe that monogamy can work for some people, but I also believe that too many are not honest with themselves and their partners.   I think that too many men have the “King of the Castle” mindset imprinted on their brain, what is theirs is theirs and they won’t share (except of course the double standard of sharing themselves with others behind their partners backs).  Not to mention the years of religious indoctrination that totally abhors the possibility of being with more than one partner.

For myself, I do have a gaggle and I love every one of them individually and collectively, and I plan to add to that gaggle, there is that much love in me.

~Motherbink

Gay Voice

So for my first entry, I thought I start it off with a little humor.  Can’t always be so serious right?  I mentioned in the “About Cricket” section the gay voice.  I don’t bring up this topic often and I have had some “heated” conversations about it.  Mainly is the “gay voice” done on purpose or is it natural and unchangeable.  My partner seems to think that most gay men intentionally have a high pitched voice or add on the lisp.  He thinks it is away for people to know the person with the voice is gay without the guy saying anything.  Or maybe a mating call of some sort.  Well, I have said gay voice.  It’s not lispy, just gay.  I don’t know how to explain it other than the gay voice.  But if you have spent any time in the gay community, you know exactly what I am talking about.  So my partner and I go back and forth about it being intentional or something you’re born with. I stand firmly that you are born with it.  I’m sure some people may intensify it, but for me it’s just how I speak.  However, I know where my partner is coming from.  For example my brother can do a great impression of the gay voice.  And it’s pretty dead on even though he is not gay.  And no, I don’t find offense when he does it.  I think it’s quite comical.

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Okay, so why bring up the gay voice again… because people need to know the difference between the gay voice and a woman’s voice.  I say that jokingly because I am often confused as being a woman on the phone.  It doesn’t bother me and I could really care less.  And when it happened this past week I thought it’d be fun to share.  My job is done mostly over the phone.  You could say I help people manage certain aspects of their lives.  Well, the other day I was speaking to a 95 year old male customer who on the phone called me “honey”.  I was a little taken aback, I mean had it been a gay friend of mine I won’t of thought twice, but this old man calling me “honey”… Hilarious!  It wasn’t before long I found out why.  He asked for my name again and when I told him (by the way I have a very common male name) he then proceeds to tell me “well that’s a peculiar name for a woman”.  I’m thinking, “oh no here we go again”.  He then proceeds to call me Janice.  I then try again to explain to him that I am a man and my name is not Janice.  I obviously failed because when we got off the phone he told me, “Thank you ma’am for all your help”.  Ah well… he’s 95, I’ll let him have this one.  So there you go,  beware when speaking on the phone.

-Cricket

My heart hurts today

There is a young man who is like a son to me.  I’ve known him for over two years.  He’s extremely intelligent and creative though a bit socially awkward.  He’s 23 years old and after graduating from the Job Corps he went to work in retail.
About a month ago he had an on the job accident, a ladder fell on his head.   He went to the hospital for a CT scan.  There was no injury from the ladder, but they did find a mass in his brain and an MRI was scheduled.   Just a few days later he was fired for some bullshit reason.    According to the Mississippi Bar Association :

Mississippi law follows the “employment at will” doctrine, which gives an employer the right to dismiss for any reason an employee that was hired for a period of time or an indefinite term. However, both the Mississippi Supreme Court and new federal laws have clearly defined specific instances where an employee’s firing is wrongful or illegal.

One of the stipulations is:

Mississippi’s high court has ruled that if a company creates procedures that employers must follow in terminating an employee and outlines those steps in the employee handbook or guidance policy, supervisors must follow them. In addition, anyone employed for a definite term, including through a written contract, cannot be fired at will. In such a case, the employer must show just cause for terminating the employee before the term expires.

In the case of my friend there were procedures in place that were not followed and we believe he was wrongfully terminated.  Quite frankly I think he was fired because 1) he filed a worker’s comp claim and 2)he has a serious medical issue, but here’s the dilemma:   it was a part time retail job with low wages so guess what, we can’t find an attorney interested in taking on the case.  You can’t sue without an attorney, it wouldn’t be possible to win and even if he did win it probably wouldn’t be much.

You might be thinking, he’s young, he can get another job.   Sure, eventually he might find something but it’s hard when Harrison County’s unemployment rate for April was 7.9% and living wage jobs for young inexperienced workers are scarce.   What does he do in the mean time?

Right now it’s a mute point.   He’s laying in the hospital, partially paralyzed after brain surgery to remove the tumor.  It will be a while before he’s back on his feet.   Hopefully his hair will grow out fast enough to cover the scar so that future employers will not be afraid to hire him.   Hopefully he’ll be able to walk and talk and find a job that will pay enough to cover the thousands of dollars of medical care he will owe because he had no insurance….   But that’s another rant in and of itself.

~Motherbink