Is this Parenting?

I remember when Cricket came out of the closet.  It was shortly after graduating high school, he was 17.   He told his sister first and then the two of them came to the house and said they needed to talk to us.   We went into our bedroom and sat in a circle on the floor.   I’ll never forget the relief of everyone in the room.  What he told us was no great surprise and we told him we would always love him, support him and accept him just as he is.

That wasn’t his first coming out though.  When he was 15 he left information on my computer that he knew would make me question him.   At that time I was in the middle of a religious fervor and not sure how to react.   I confronted him and he confessed his feelings and I suggested we pray.   I do remember him crying and telling me that he didn’t want to be attracted to men, I think that played a part in how I responded.   My reaction was not solely based on religious beliefs, it was also based on fear, fear for his happiness, fear that his life would be harder and fear of a disease that could kill him, and finally fear of how the extended family would react.

Recently a friend posted a link to his Facebook about a letter from a father to son after the son came out.  The father basically told him to go away and never come back:

Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.

That statement made me so sad, and brought back memories of Cricket’s friends.   After coming out, we celebrated our son.   We went with him to the local gay club, welcomed his friends in our home.  I remember the stories they told, of how their family and friends had rejected them, how thrilled they were to meet us.   I remember hugging many beautiful young men, all the while my heart was breaking over their stories of rejection.

How can parents do something so obscene to their children?   The idea just baffles me.  This child that came from my womb, my blood, my heart?  How could I possibly throw away the most important part of my life, this most precious gift of life?   How can a parent reject a child because of something they have no control over, something they were born with, a part of them, put on them without choice?

I see parents support and defend their drug addicted, thieving, even murderous children.   I see them support them, stand by them through all their trials and prison sentences, even though they are the ones that chose their path.  They choose to lie and steal and harm others.

Our gay and lesbian children have no choice, parents need to understand this.   Put away your religious zeal, your status quo, your insecurities, bigotry and hatred.  Love your precious babies for the wonderful, intelligent, creative, enlightened people they are.




Chick-fil-a Debacle…

I’ve been asked to give my two cents on chick-fil-a.  So here it goes.

The argument should start off by talking about freedom of speech, our 1st amendment right.  Key word here is “right”.  Yes, we have the “right” to express our individual view points and because of that “right” Mr. Cathy didn’t do anything wrong.  I don’t particularly agree with his statements, but that is my opinion.  But here is the problem I have with this whole debacle.  Mr. Cathy doesn’t just express his opinion.  He uses earnings from his company to pursue an agenda that would limit a particular group’s individual “rights”.  The very “right” I agree with him on, our freedom of speech and expression.

See I believe you can take any one of our “rights” and trace its origins back to the first one, Freedom of Speech.  My “right” to marry my partner is not only my freedom of speech and expression, but also my 14th amendment right to equal protection under the law.  I should be able to enter into a contract the same as anyone else and as most have forgotten, marriage is simply a contract.  (I’m not ignorant enough not to know that religious marriage means something different, but what I am talking about is marriage as it pertains to our government, you know separation of church and state)   And I believe that two people regardless of sex should be able to enter into a marriage contract.  People like to bring “Love” into the marriage debate by saying that same sex couples should have the right to love and have that “love” recognized under a marriage contract.  I am a little bit more cynical because I don’t give a shit about that argument.  A marriage contract at its roots is simply a way to take responsibility of another individual and receive tax and other benefits for doing so.  Love has nothing to do with it, look at the divorce rate if you don’t believe me.

Now back to Chick-fil-a.  Every time we support a business that in return supports limiting individual’s rights, I believe, is wrong.  Not only do they support limiting rights, they give money to hate groups as defined by Southern Poverty Law center a non- profit civil rights organization. Besides, isn’t a business’ main objective to give back to its shareholders?  And if you are going to donate money to social causes, why not give to those suffering like the poor and hungry?  Why waste shareholder money on your (Mr. Cathy) moral convictions that are your own beliefs. Beliefs, by the way, that have no effect on your (Mr. Cathy) own individual life.  I hear a lot about religious freedoms, but how is limiting my rights invading your religious freedoms? (oh, because you don’t think gay’s should get married because it’s against a book that was written thousands of years ago by men seeking a way to create “laws” to govern people and has been retranslated a million times said it is wrong… oh yes, that makes sense)  People with religious beliefs choose their religion.  I didn’t choose to be gay.  Believe whatever you want, but don’t push your beliefs on me, especially in the “land of the free”.  The land of the free where I have chosen not to support those who don’t support me… I believe religion defines this as the “golden rule”.  Due on to those as you would have them due to you… or something like that. (I for one don’t believe in limiting another’s ability to live freely and take advantage of monetary opportunities given out by the government as a tax break while they share their life with another individual)

As for Mayor’s coming out against Chick-fil-a from opening up in their cities, I believe they are right to try to keep those who discriminate out of their cities.  It is the governments job to protect us against those who would do us harm.  So good luck Mayor’s, though I don’t think you’ll be successful, even the Supreme Court has acknowledge that people can say and discriminate however they want as long as they do it to everyone equally.  Westborough Baptist Church comes to mind.

SO there you go…I don’t support Chick-fil-a right now, not while they actively support hate organizations.  Oh and this is not a new revelation… Chick-fil-a has been giving money to hate organizations for years; it’s only relevant now because same sex marriage has become a hot social issue.  Get and eat your chicken from where ever you want. It just happens to be that I like mine Kentucky fried anyways.