My father hates me.
No, really, he does. But, I know as a mother he hates me because he hates himself. I have seen him destroy many relationships. As I sit here and type this (with my children and husband stretched out in my bed) I look at each of them and I know in order to take care of them I have to take care of myself first. If and when I am having a bad day I loathe for a second. Literally. I have been having those a lot lately. It hard to smile through out the day knowing the person whom helped make you hates you. I try not to think about it much and look forward to the day when those thoughts are not consuming my every thought. I know it will come one day. Only because this is not the first time he has done this. I have a folder in one of my email accounts called “my craziness” and it is full of nasty disgusting emails from my father. Some in which I fought back but most just filed away because I just don’t have the fight anymore. And he is only going to twist my words anyway. I just don’t give a shit if I hurt your feeling, if I supposedly said something about your wife (which I didn’t), if my friend didn’t invite you to her wedding or if I didn’t get excited about your next “get rich scheme”. Oh my favorite “I didn’t ask his opinion on some property I purchased”. At almost 30 at the time of purchase I think I am a big enough girl to realize a great deal when I see it. Oh and have I mentioned my husband is a CONTRACTOR!!
Ah the worse part is now most of the family is involved. I think mostly because maybe everyone finally believes he picks on me and what he did this last time was completely out of nowhere. One side of me feels guilty and the other side is screaming finally someone besides my mother believes what I am saying!
I spoke with one of my clients recently and told her the whole story. I very much value her opinion and I have decided to completely cut him out of my life. What he does is abusive and I will not allow anyone to manipulate my feelings. Even my own parent.
I hope to always end my post with a little “nugget”
Baby farts are so funny!