A friend of mine came across this post on the CNN website about how Every Woman needs a ‘gaggle’ of men. He wrote: ” Not that you need it, but this will confirm you need to continue creating your ‘gaggle’! LOL thought of You when I read this!” The basic premise is that it’s ok for women to have multiple male friends, that we need to quit searching for Mr Right and start looking at all the Mr Rights. It’s ok to have a group of guys in our lives that occupy different roles and needs. Wow, what a concept.
The story itself was interesting, but what really cracked me up was the comments. The biggest percentage was from guys who thought it applied to only one thing, sex. How dare we have multiple relationships!! Don’t we know that makes us a slut, or a whore! We should only be focusing on one person at a time! My friends response to the comments was a rant of his own (and I quote it with his permission):
The comments are ridiculously funny! Everyone is their own judge, jury, and executioner. Somewhere along the way this country has lost the ‘live and let live’ spirit which makes it so great. Instead, like the rest of the world, we are stooping to the ‘live like me or you are wrong and must be killed like the infidel you are’ spirit.
Quite frankly, and while this is a little discussed subject, polyamory is alive and well and thriving in the world. There are people out there that believe that it is possible to love more than one person at a time. It’s not always about sex, it’s about being intimate with like minded people who are willing to provide for needs that others can’t meet. It’s about opening your heart and sharing your life with mutual respect, consent and care. It’s not about cheating or going behind someone’s back. It’s not about being insecure or non-committal. It’s about honesty and recognizing and accepting who we are and what we want. I think one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high is because too many “settle” for that one person, and in the back of their mind think that they can change them to be all that they need.
Don’t get me wrong, polyamory is not for everyone. I do believe that monogamy can work for some people, but I also believe that too many are not honest with themselves and their partners. I think that too many men have the “King of the Castle” mindset imprinted on their brain, what is theirs is theirs and they won’t share (except of course the double standard of sharing themselves with others behind their partners backs). Not to mention the years of religious indoctrination that totally abhors the possibility of being with more than one partner.
For myself, I do have a gaggle and I love every one of them individually and collectively, and I plan to add to that gaggle, there is that much love in me.